Queer Chronicles entry ©2004

Queer Chronicles by Kenneth Allen, ©2004

October 1, 2004

Presidential Debates: When Kerry Spanked Sally

Last night, I dreamed of a giant with a long face and a knife or something in his hand. And he kept scrawling and carving or scrawling or something while this other thing -- that was some sort of monkey, I think -- winced and whined and I swear, almost cried. Then I woke up this morning and read in the papers and watched on the television and clicked through the Internet to discover that the entire country dreamed the same thing but were now calling it a Presidential Debate.

I noticed that early in the day Fox declared Bush the winner by a landslide but then later had to change it to “by a mile”. Not only did the new phrase invoke the an image of a healthy lead in the polls, “landslide” was nixed by the Administration because it was the last known crossover hit by the Dixie Chicks and Dubya wants to distance himself from that. Too, they considered the word a detriment to the marketing of Jeb in hurricane-ravaged Florida, where the voting procedures are sure to be a model for the rest of the country in elections for years to come.

Cheney’s said to have a Plan B should HisVeryHolySelf and said ape-like Running Mate, what’s-his-name, win neither the popular nor the electoral votes this time. Perhaps he’ll share it with us next week. I heard the only reason Donald Trump wanted to trademark “You’re Fired” is because he heard Dick Cheney was patenting “Fuck Off.” It’s a new product name for something Halliburton’s going to test market in Iraq, I think.

Anyhoo, here I am a day later and feeling the usual scum Presidential Debate Post Partum. Where, oh where, is the best man available for the job?