Queer Chronicles entry ©2004

Queer Chronicles by Kenneth Allen, ©2004

August 27, 2004

Hide Your Daughters, Your Immigrants, and Your Homeless
The Republicans are Coming

They’re rollin’ up the sidewalks, boys. The Confederate Army is launching an attack on New York’s own Pennsylvania Station and my favorite post office. They couldn’t find a nice middle American-themed city more to their true personality, like Cleveland. No, they want location shooting and where else to be but on top of the proverbial hell-mouth. Stir up your neighbor’s bee hive, set up a picnic table underneath it, then hire people to keep the bees away.

Somehow, I’m supposed to feel akin to the visiting delegates, I know. After all, I’m a registered elephant … and it’s true, any person who says they’re a gay Republican is a lying sack of shit. Now I can see the sack part, especially since it has nothing to do with performance in an alternate sack, but the relative, the "akin," that behooves me.

Who are these people? They’ve invited Zell Miller to speak. He’s a “Democrat” – yes, and remember, I’m a registered Republican … so the point is … ??? Well, let Zell speak, he’s a fiery and sweet little bumpkin of a cousin-fucker, bless his heart. Just don’t let him on camera while eating. I was once in a restaurant in Atlanta, appalled by some hideously ill-mannered beast in my line of sight shoveling food toward his face. It was Zell Miller. His bodyguards nimbly ducked the flying forkloads. When I think of Zell, that is my image. Sooo .... he’ll represent the Democrats who vote Republican! Hmph. There go the swingers.

If you compare party-traitors, one Ronnie Reagan to one Georgia Redneck, well, you’re not gaining ground against the nemesis. The only way it would be a cinch of an election now is if Dick stepped aside for a sexier, liberal running mate. That’s not going to happen. Dick just got all liberal anyway, what with his dyke daughter trump card that he’s been saving longer than his rookie Reggie Jackson. Convenient currency. Bring out the prisoner, throw a pretty dress on her and make her smile, then send her back into the closet. See how liberal we all are!! How can we think about gay sex when everyone wants to fuck John Edwards? There's just no contest.

Dreaming of Johns though I might, I cannot deny the inevitable.

Oh, God. The Republicans are coming. Save us from your followers or at least let them know they’re going in the wrong direction.